Monday, October 7, 2013

Pink Deer's Guide to Travel...Coming Home

In the last few days I have had to say to myself- Ebony, get it together. It is time for a major reality check. You’ve left Oz and you're back to Kansas. (Or you've left Paris and you're back in Oz…so that was a confusing analogy). Perhaps the catalyst for this was when I fell over in the street before Chanel. Thankfully the only person who saw was a lovely French man who silently offered me a tissue (I declined, by the grace of God there was no blood and all my skin was in tact). When things like this happen, I believe it’s the world’s way of reminding me I’m just a big dork who likes British crime dramas.

Fashion Week is something else. Running after people taking photos, being close to bags that cost more than my car, having people tell me I’m pretty…it’s all very intoxicating. I’m not even joking when I tell you I am now so attuned to the sound of camera shutters that I heard people rustling a crisp packet the other day and immediately put my photo face on and sucked my stomach in. I mean…get a grip Ebony. I’m checking myself into fashion week rehab, cause nobody is getting on their knees to take photos of my shoes when I’m at the chippy on a Thursday night.

Most of us have been through this, the dreaded post holiday blues. If you’ve ever sat on a plane and wondered if you could actually quit your job and go sell club tickets on the beach in Ibiza, you’ve had it. If you’ve gotten home and found yourself stuck in a three day long tantrum about having to wear tights and a scarf, you’ve also had it. If you have actually cried yourself to sleep thinking about going back to the daily grind, you’ve definitely had it.

So what do you do? You have to do something, because until you get over it, you are a pretty insufferable human being. Case in point, my Mum recently got back from tropical far north Queensland and was a total misery. The highlight was when she angrily thrust a Witchery bag in my direction and said sourly ‘Here’s your present.’ Gee, thanks. ‘You’ll be like this,’ she warned. ‘When you get back from Europe you’ll know how I feel.’ Well, I guess we’re about to find out.

I do have some ideas about how I am going to combat this though, and very generously in the last installment of Pink Deer’s Guide to Travel, I will share them with you.

Throw a post holiday party
Invite some people round for a few drinks, catch up on what’s been happening in their lives. Avoid talking at length about your trip, anything longer than a 2 minute funny anecdote is too long. DO NOT show the guests your holiday photos. No…stop it, I’m serious. Put that iPhone away, we’ve already seen them on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and Tumbr. Remember we’re in 2013, not 1965. This isn’t the only overseas holiday you will ever take and this party is not an excuse to serve cocktail onions and show everyone your slides. Look, I’m not perfect. I’ll do really well with this one until I’ve had a bottle of wine and start believing my stories are more enthralling than a David Fincher film. The trick is not being offended when someone says ‘Babe, nobody gives a shit about the time you saw Naomi Watts eating dinner.’

Let it go
You’re allowed one week to cling on to holiday tokens. I’m talking about that horrible shell necklace you bought, the festival wrist bands, wearing sandals in the rain. Then it’s over. (Incidentally, I have the same rule for breakups. You can wear your ex boyfriend’s T shirt to bed for one week only, after that I’m coming over and burning it). Letting it go also applies to your makeup (I touched on this one in my previous travelpost). Yes that coral lipstick really complimented your tan, but three weeks on I know the tan came from a bottle, so please just exfoliate and go back to the warm plum that always suited you. Thanks.

**On a final note, if you got those little braids in your hair with the beads on the end, not only does the one week not apply to you, if you don’t take them out immediately before there is more than 1 photo of you with them, I don’t think we can be friends. **

Take up a hobby
Divert your attention to something new and exciting. Haven’t you always wanted to try macramé? Now is the time. Right before Christmas too, aren’t your family going to get some amazing gifts this year. 1970s shopping bag anyone? In fact, if you channel ALL the energy you would normally use to bitch about life being better on holiday, you could probably macramé yourself a life sized replica of the Eiffel Tower. It’ll be like you never left.

Take the time to appreciate what you’ve got
Going back to work after your holiday is about as fun as being tied to a wild stallion and dragged across a gravel car park. So try to focus on the things that you actually love about your life. Go out to dinner at your favourite restaurant, catch up with that friend who always makes you laugh, go running on the beach or in a beautiful park. What am I going to do? I’m going to get off the plane and go meet by baby niece, who surprised us all and came over 3 months early. Our whole lives are for the living, not just holidays. So spend it with the people you love, doing the things that make you happy.

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