So, some Juice mogul called Kara Rosen has sparked the general public's ire over her 'Day on a Plate' which could be more appropriately titled 'Rich person wank on a plate'. Buzzfeed have pulled together the spoofs and Twitter reaction. Which made me chuckle this morning, so I've made my own.
Pink Deer's Day On A Plate
7:35am Black Americano, made my Nespresso, the only constant and reassuring thing in my life. Sometime I sing to it. When George Clooney got married, we both held a minute of silence.
8am Turn on work phone and leave the room so I don't have to hear the notification sounds
8:01am Another Nespresso
8:03am Peek nervously at work phone to discover 103 unread emails and 5 voicemails
8:20am Another Nespresso and 2min microwave porridge. According to a nutritionist I was once referred to, black coffee on an empty stomach NOT actually good for you. Who knew?
9:45am Having survived my commute on the tube, I have an iced black Americano to cool me down, as my pleather trousers are now filled with sweat
Between 12 and 3pm At some point in this 3 hour window, the stars may align and I'll discover a Pret or an Eat that has a very short queue. Now I will buy a wrap. After disastrous experimentation with pitas and sandwiches (resulting in unsightly stains), I have discovered a wrap is the most portable lunch food. I will eat this while loitering outside a Zara, before browsing for 5 minutes, realising I'm running late for a meeting, and legging it down Oxford St in heels.
4:30pm Green Tea. Add in some cheesy pop music for extra pep, then realise people who are 10 years younger than me are singing about the kind of life experience they could not possibly understand. Now add cookie the size of my face.
7:12pm Leave work and choose tube line based on which express supermarket near it is the best
7:48pm Purchase whichever low calorie microwaveable veggie meal is on special. Get excited Nudie has a new veg pot I haven't tried
7:53pm Walk past local gym and make awkward eye contact with people on the equipment through the window. Wish there was some kind of laundromat style membership where you can put a few £s in a treadmill and run for 30 mins without having to talk to anyone or see self in a mirror. Resign to making joining enquiries 'on the weekend'
8:25pm Eat delicious veg pot and an assortment of chocolates leftover from flat mate's Christmas gifts
9:52pm FaceTime people in warmer location and try to soak up the vitamin D through my iPhone screen
Image via spoken.ly